Velocity Signs Reviews the “Perfect” Employee | Sign Waving Mannequin

Published on: June 19, 2013

Because we are in the middle of our hiring process, we have had quite a while to talk about what qualities constitute the “perfect employee.” Sometimes there are just so many characteristics a person needs to exhibit, that it becomes impossible to hire a human that satisfies all of a manager’s rigorous standards.

That is because, after all, people are not perfect, and life can be messy—so human employees are prone to showing up late, experiencing fatigue in the face of extreme weather conditions, or misbehaving on the job.

But don’t you fear, because the perfect employee does exist, he isn’t a myth, he is right here at Velocity Signs!

  • This employee will never call in sick, show up late, or ask for time off! Because this stylish and functional worker is animatronic, you cannot possibly hurt his feelings—or face a lawsuit—when you deny them a 15-minute break!
  • This employee would never dress inappropriately for work because, well, you can dress him. Whether you squeeze him into a suit, dress him up in a t-shirt emblazoned with your company logo, or dress him up in a Halloween costume—this worker will be thrilled to change his outfit 5 times a day, and won’t take forever in the bathroom getting ready!
  • Worried about providing healthcare, or workman’s compensation to an injured employee? This worker is never ill and cannot get injured on the job. In fact, he is so durable and effective that he can run for 24 hours a day, seven days a week—with out any Red Bulls, coffee drinks, or restroom breaks that are a result of consuming those beverages. How is this possible, you ask? This guy is just a sign waving machine literally! Unlike your average human, he boasts a high-tech built in re-chargeable battery—just plug him in overnight and he’s energized and ready to work all day!
  • The morning weather report shows signs of sleet and snow at sunrise with an unexplainable shift towards triple-digit heat in the afternoon? While that is unreasonable and terrifying—this employee wouldn’t bat an eyelash. He won’t become exhausted in the summer heat, downtrodden during rain and snow, or ditch his shift when temperatures drop below the freezing point.
  • The conversation a manager, or business owner, has with his or her employees about pay increases and bonuses can be quite awkward. This worker will never request a raise, demand a holiday handout, or go on strike! You will only ever have to pay between $1,899 and $2,849, and he will work diligently his entire life. So the money you save can be allocated to other areas of your business, or even to hiring an employee for purposes other than sign spinning!
  • Is your employee constantly texting or chatting with his friends during work hours? A sign doesn’t twirl itself, people!? (Well, ours does!) Hire a sign twirler that remains focused, diligent, and loyal! This life-long member of your team will not apply to college part time in the fall, move to another city on short notice, or quit to work for a competitor.

While these qualities are difficult, if not impossible, to find in human sign spinner they are a standard of the Velocity Signs Sign Waving Mannequin. By hiring this “perfect employee” you can guarantee a rapid return on investment because these spinning signs have shown to increase sales by at least 15%! So if you’re tired of trying to re-hire a new employee every 6 months, or overpaying for a service that can be supplied for a much more affordable price, consider Velocity Signs!

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